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sadbluedonkey
04 July 2009 @ 12:43 pm

You know, if I was an animal owned by me, it would be little wonder that I am depressed.

If I owned an animal which I treated as poorly as I've treated myself over the past few months, I would be in all kinds of trouble with the RSPCA. I wouldn't treat an animal as badly as I treat myself, sometimes, so why do I think it is okay to treat myself this way?

I suffer from chronic pain and have done most of my life. So what do I do about it?

I stop taking my pain medications, and then wonder why I am depressed!

I have not given myself adequate rest, I have not given my body proper food, I have often (this is a major symptom of depression) forgotten to attend to the basics of hygiene. (I hate that one most of all, because it only makes me feel worse).

I have been thinking all night--in my light, dozing sleep--about all the ways in which I have neglected myself lately, and how I need to change those patterns as a means to come back from the depths I have sunken to.

NO more sitting around in my PJ's till mid afternoon, no more skipping meals, no more wallowing in misery if I can help it.

MORE taking medications provided by the doctor for my pain, more taking my night time meds which help me to relax enough to sleep, more getting dressed as soon as I get up, more eating healthy meals and three a day, please. More care for myself and less time spent trying to solve the world's problems.

I need to report myself to the SPCM and make myself take better care of me.

 
 
sadbluedonkey
04 July 2009 @ 01:28 am
One thing that I should have learned about depression by now, is that you can never say that you're 100% cured of it. That damned black dog--he listens. He listens and he lurks and when you think you're rid of him once and for all, he will pounce and pull you down again.

So, yes, I am depressed again and pulling all kinds of "High Risk" numbers on depression tests. *sigh*

And it's not as though I have a bad life, or a bad relationship to blame it all on this time...no, everything was fine with my life. I was publishing my books, I had (and still have) a fantastic partner and I live in some of the most beautiful country around, and yet, that black dog only has to bite me once to start me cycling down, into the dark again and hey presto, the next moment, I am making comments about my marriage that leave my darling feeling "like excess baggage" *sigh*

It's just the depression talking, but those things still hurt and I know they do. I know I would hate to be on the receiving end of them--and yet, they come out of my mouth when I am depressed and the thing about words is, once they're out, they're out.

Depression is a loner. It tries to push everything, and everyone out of the sufferer's life. That black dog wants to be the only companion, the only solace...Sorrow wants you to fall completely, absolutely in love with him and exclude everyone else from your life.

Well, it ain't gonna happen! I am not going to let you suck me down and drive everyone I love away from me!

So if you still have this lj on your flist and you can bear to put up with the grim, the gloomy and the ugly, please stay and read. If you'd rather not, then that's okay too. I just need to start keeping some kind of record of how I feel.

It's part of taking the first steps on the way back up.
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: apathetic
 
 
sadbluedonkey
16 August 2008 @ 12:40 pm
Hi all,

I have taken the decision to stop using this journal all together. It was a good place for me when I felt I was stuck in my unhappy, go nowhere marriage and was mostly depressed and tired all the time, but now that I am in a happier place, I feel that I am ready to let go of this journal, but I don't want to let go of all the friends I have on this user account, so I will be friending you from my other, more often used journal [info]margaret_leigh I do want to stay in touch with all of you, because you and the trekfen got me through the hard times. You were there for me when I needed my friends of the hundred acre wood.

I am Eeyore (depressed) No More! Neither am I Tigger (manic) no piglet (neurotic) I am Pooh! (zen, balanced). Come join me if I don't friend you first!

Love you all!
Meg
 
 
Current Mood: happy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
23 April 2008 @ 01:02 am
For those of you who don't visit my other LJ, I am posting this here so you don't miss out!

I've just been sent the preliminary cover art for my novel The Heart Divided. It's so beautiful! I can't stop staring at it. hehe. Something I created that will be loosed upon the world! Be afraid, be kinda afraid! LOL!

This is subject to approval by BBA, and it might change a little before the release date, but this is what I have given approval on.

I may need to rewrite a scene in the book so that my heroine wears a red dress like this one, because at present, she doesn't.

Overall, I am stoked though!

 
 
Current Location: In the country
Current Mood: bouncy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
18 February 2008 @ 11:30 am
Hi all,

I am a bad friend. I never update! Sorry.

Just a quick note to say THANKS to Kyr for the rose. Luv you bunches!

Also on my kids after the accident. All bruises and bumps have now healed, and my daughter is shopping for a new car and also aplying for a manual driver's license. She feels that a stick shift would give her more control and make her feel safer ad I can't say I disagree. Driving a stick shift requires more focus and concentration and that can only be good.

She's gearing up to start the first year of her Nurse-Midwife degree in a couple of weeks.

So grateful she's still here!

That's about it for now.
Meg
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Sugar Baby Love is stuck in my head for some reason
 
 
sadbluedonkey
08 January 2008 @ 06:11 pm
(cross posted to other LJ's I own with apologies to those who are flisted on more than one.)

On New Years Day, two my daughters were involved in a car accident. The car was written off, but both girls were okay apart from bruising and shock.

So, yesterday we went over to T______a with Hannah to collect her personal effects from her car before the poor little old car is sent off to the Write-offs and Repo's auctions.

 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: tired
 
 
sadbluedonkey
15 October 2007 @ 12:56 pm
I have just received an email from Bareback Angels accepting my novel with the working title "If Sinners Entice"

I am so ecstatic right now...I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, or dance. I've been doing all four, actually.

I Can't believe it. I have to keep looking at the email! LOL!

The novel that wouldn't die, is finally going public!
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: ecstatic
 
 
sadbluedonkey
26 August 2007 @ 10:15 pm
snaffled from [info]ladyegreen 




You're Anne of Green Gables!

by L.M. Montgomery

Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage
cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash,
honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt
your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with
kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters.
You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: amused
 
 
sadbluedonkey
23 August 2007 @ 11:37 pm
Hi all,

Here's a chance for you to win yourself a prize (nothing fancy, but something nice) possibly a dedication in the front of the book.

I need a catchy, pithy title for my first novel which has the working title "If Sinners Entice" I'm not sure that the title really reflects, anymore, what the book is about.





I am not looking for "Abbie" as a title, nor anything with her name in it. Something that sums up the story and would catch the eye of a prospective buyer.

So, go for it. I will pick the best title and announce a winner on the 1st of September.
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: happy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
15 August 2007 @ 12:26 am


I am past the halfway mark of my AugNoWriMo challenge goal.

Whew and are my fingers smoking!
Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
17,464 / 34,100
(51.2%)

And Well on the way to the total wordcount goal


Zokutou word meterZokutou word meterZokutou word meter
35,093 / 50,000
(69.0%)

I believe the novel has just reached the climax and what a climax it is!

I am happy.
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack
 
 
sadbluedonkey
12 August 2007 @ 10:40 pm
I have not written a single word of my NaNo project today, and I am not going to. I'm just about to head for my bed and get some much needed sleep.

My friends, family and my brain are all screaming at me to rest, and I am going to heed that advice.

Goodnight all.

 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: drained
 
 
sadbluedonkey
12 August 2007 @ 01:21 pm
CHICAGO - Clergy members who are in homosexual relationships will be able to serve as pastors, the largest U.S. Lutheran body said Saturday.

The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America passed a resolution at its annual assembly urging bishops to refrain from disciplining pastors who are in “faithful committed same-gender relationships.”

The resolution passed by a vote of 538-431.


Read More
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: happy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
01 August 2007 @ 01:27 am
I am going to attempt [info]augnowrimo[info] and use it as a means to finish my current wip. I've set myself the target of 32400 words for the month of August.

The reason I want to do this is because I want this book finished and I want this book published. Also my birthday is August 2nd so what better way to start a new year of my life than by writing a book?

I'm kinda scared and somewhat excited.

It's like setting out on a journey.

*shivers with anticipation*

I will be participating under the name [info]margaret_leigh but there is no need to friend that LJ if you don't want to as I will also post updates and word counts here.

I am either brave or stupid. I can't decide which!

eeyore!
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: busy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
31 July 2007 @ 02:41 am
 

I see: So much injustice and inequality in this world - most of it based on archaic ideas and a refusal to move with the times.


I use: My time on disability to work on my writing



I bend: The Rules!

 

I have: All that I need

 

I fear: Having to go back to work

 

I hear: The winds of change blowing in the distance

 

I regret: Not throwing off the shackles of mistaken beliefs and assumed identity sooner

 

I love: My partner, My children, my home and my animals

 
I ache: All over. All the time.

 

I always: Try to remind myself things could be worse

 

I usually: have an optimistic outlook

 

I am not: very organised

 
I dance: when the sun shines and my bones don't ache. (I did that today)

 

I sing: When I am happy ( alot lately)

 

I never: want to grow up.


I rarely: feel depressed anymore (same for me, M so I left it)


I cry: at movies on TV and at the cinema.


I lose: myself in my writing - the creative process engulfs me


I’m confused: Often!

 

I should:  Go to bed!
 
 
Current Location: In my thistly hideout
Current Mood: sleepy
 
 
sadbluedonkey
26 July 2007 @ 03:54 pm

You've probably all seen this before and I am just way behind, but...

It deserves to be spread all over!
 
 
sadbluedonkey
17 July 2007 @ 05:16 pm
The three authors from the Sappho's Chest Anthology will be hosting the [info]torquere_social Community for the day.

Margaret Leigh (That's Me)
Jodi Payne
Angelia Sparrow

Why not drop by?
 
 
sadbluedonkey
13 July 2007 @ 11:31 pm
 Currently Reading
A Life of Unlearning: One Man's Journey to Find the Truth (Unabridged)
By Anthony Venn-Brown
see related

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit




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Well, that's about all I have for now, but the movie did prompt Sandra and I both to go scrambling for a bible when a passage of Scripture was quoted which we had to find out if it really is in the Bible.

There'll be more about that in either a post or a podcast soon.

Shalom!
 
 
Current Mood: relaxed
 
 
sadbluedonkey
06 July 2007 @ 11:47 pm
I have just been listening to an audio book titled A Life of Unlearning by Anthony Venn-Brown, a former prominent evangelist and AOG pastor in Australia. After listening to the first of 11 CDs I visited Anthony's website and from there followed a link to Youtube to watch videos of the book launch.

The name of one of the speakers at the launch was very familiar to me. I went to church with this man for several years in Brisbane, and never knew he was facing the same struggles as me with homosexuality.

I listened to his story with tears streaming down my face because it is such a sharp contrast to the Christian Pastor I knew who seemed to have it so all together.

In the name of God, Church -- Why?

Why do you force people to hide these struggles? Why do you force us to lie?

Why do you force us to feel so ashamed?

Why do you perpetuate the lies?

I am angry and hurt and my heart feels like it will burst. I never knew! I never KNEW!!



 
 
Current Mood: irate
 
 
sadbluedonkey
28 June 2007 @ 12:09 am
A short story I wrote has been picked up by torquerre press.com for their upcoming anthology Sappho's Chest. I can't publish or send this story to anyone now as it is under publisher's rights for 2 years. However the anthology will be on sale from July 15th 2007 and the story I have in it is titled "The Toy Shop" under my pseudonym: Margaret Leigh.
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Take it Easy - The Eagles
 
 
sadbluedonkey
18 June 2007 @ 02:15 am
On Friday, Sandra and I had to go to Nambour to visit Sandra's mum in the hospital. She had just had knee replacement surgery. She is recovering quite well and seemed in good spirits when we went to see her. We stayed a little while and chatted about this and that and I opened a package I had received that morning from my good friend "Haggis" in Scotland. The package contained Scottish Sweets. Some "tablet" which is a very sugary confection made from condensed milk and icing sugar. It is kind of like caramel fudge, but much much sweeter.


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Scottish Tablet (front) with
Macaroons

I also got some Scottish Macaroon Bars which is another very sweet Scottish Confection which, surprisingly, is made of Mashed Potato mixed with icing sugar and coated in chocolate and coconut.


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Scottish Macaroon Bars
Haggis had told me she was sending me macaroon and I had a completely different idea of what it was, because in Australia, Macaroons are small coconut cakes.


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Coconut Macaroons

As well as these lovely, yummy and fattening treats, Haggy had enclosed a lovely pendant and earrings made from sterling silver for my birthday. They have cubic zirconias set in little hearts and they're absolutely gorgeous. I don't have the camera handy at present to take a picture of them, but I will try to include on in the next post.

She also enclosed some DVDs for me to watch and I have watched one of them already. It was a horror movie called Devour starring Jensen Ackles who is a favourite actor of ours and appears in the television series "Supernatural." The movie was quite gory and there was a lot of blood, but it has a very good plot. I won't go into it too much here, because I have a lot to cover in this entry.

After we had looked at all the things in the package and stayed to chat for a little longer, Sandra and I took our leave and headed off to the show. In Australia a "Show" is like a county fair kind of thing. I had been looking forward to going, because for one thing, I love looking at all the exhibits and for another I had heard that Annette Syms was going to be there. Annette has written a series of cook books that we use a lot. They are called "Symply Too Good To Be True" and have many delicious low calorie and low fat recipes in them. Annette used to be very overweight, but she lost all the weight and has kept it off for 14 years, just by adjusting recipes to be low fat, low calories and with a focus on being quick and easy. We have a few favourite recipes from her books.


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Annette Syms in front of her
display at the Woolworths Pavillion
The photo in the background is how
she used to look before she lost weight.

Annette cooked three of the recipes from her books and we got to taste test them. She made French Onion Dip, Mango chicken, and a dessert called Cherry Heaven. All three courses combined only had about 12g of fat! and it only took her about 20-40 minutes to prepare all three.

At the end of her demonstration, she asked how many people there liked coca cola. She took out a 1.25 litre bottle of it and asked how many teaspoons full of sugar are in one bottle. Then she got out a bag of sugar, a bowl, and a spoon and began spooning sugar into the bowl while we counted. She didn't stop til she got to 32.

No wonder I lost 15kg just by cutting coca cola out of my diet!

There was a lot to see at the show, and we hadn't thought to bring any cameras along, but I had my mobile phone with me which has a camera built in, and I used that to take some photos.

One of my favourite exhibits at any show is the cake decorating exhibit and this show did not disappoint.

My favourite display was a Christmas scene made from icing.


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The note on the top image says: Everything made out of icing, including the grass and chimney. (Chimney not shown in photos)

I also liked the below cake, because of the unusual design and the colors used.


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It definitely was worthy of first prize in its class because of the beautiful detail. Even the lacework on the sides is made from icing.

We also went to the budgerigar, poultry and cattle pavillions and saw alpacas and llamas.

In the budgerigar (Parakeet) pavillion we were treated to see a rare variety of budgie called a "Feather Duster" This is a genetic throwback and is a rare sight because they don't usually live beyond a few weeks. The one we saw was 7 weeks old, and the oldest one that the breeder knew of had lived to be 14 weeks. This is no hoax, this bird was real. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen for myself, but the bird is born with some genetic mistake which makes its feathers grow continuously. It doesn't moult like other birds and the feathers grow very long.

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A "Feather Duster" Budgerigar (Parakeet)

As I understand it, these birds are sterile and flightless and the lady we talked to about it said that the length of life depends on how much effort the breeder puts into feeding them. They need extra attention she said, and probably extra feeding because so much energy is spent in growing the feathers that not enough is absorbed to keep the bird alive.

I felt privileged to see such an amazing little creature. She was lovely.

So our day at the show was almost at an end. We went to buy showbags and then got a plate of Pofertjes to share before the drive home to Nambour.

I hope you enjoyed reading about our day!

Love and Light!

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Current Music: friendlystorm IRC Radio http://radio.friendlystormirc.net/
 
 
 
 

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