Life in the Hundred Acre Woods

Christmas Day Pictures

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 00:45:05 GMT

Sandra and I spent Christmas Day at Sandra's mother's house. We didn't take a lot of pictures, no one thought of it until dessert when we decided it would be nice to get pictures of our joint effort Tiramisu which we made for dessert. It turned out okay. Maybe needed more coffee, but it tasted good. Below are the pictures. Tiramisu is traditionally made with Marscapone cheese, but we used a low fat creamed cottage cheese to try and make a lower calorie alternative.

I have included a very simple tiramisu recipe below (not the recipe we used), in case anyone wants to try it.

I am the least camera shy person of the three of us, so lucky me got to be the food model. lol!

Tiramisu is an Italian dessert. The name means "Lift me up" and it is made by layering sponge cake doused with strong black coffee with a sweet, cream cheese filling between the layers. This one doesn't have much coffee on the layers. Italians would use much more!

Easy Tiramisu

500g mascarpone cheese
2 tbs caster sugar
400mls freshly brewed strong coffee, cooled
2 tbs Tia Maria or Kahlua (optional)
1 250g pkt savoiardi biscuits (Italian Biscotti)
80g good-quality dark chocolate, grated

Method

Beat the mascarpone and caster sugar in a medium mixing bowl with electric beaters until soft peaks form. Set aside.
Combine the coffee and Tia Maria or Kahlua (if using) in a large bowl. Dip 1/2 the savoiardi biscuits quickly into the coffee mixture and then arrange over the base of a 1.25-1itre (5-cup) serving dish or six 250mls (1-cup) individual serving glasses. Spread half the mascarpone mixture evenly over the biscuits. Dip the remaining biscuits into the coffee mixture and then arrange in a single layer over the mascarpone layer. Finish with a layer of the remaining mascarpone mixture. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 6 hours or overnight.
Sprinkle with the grated chocolate just before serving.

Notes & tips

Note: +6 hours chilling time.

(recipe from http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/10412/easy+tiramisu )

Currently reading and books to be read

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:13:31 GMT

I am currently reading a book called Dreamwalker:The Path of Sacred Power by Mary Summer Rain. It's interesting. It details the events in the author's life when she was learning Native American Spirituality from her Spiritual Director No Eyes and the things that she saw during that time during her "dream walks." I am wondering if I will be the first among my group of friends to read the entire book. One of them didn't get past the first chapter, another got about halfway through and had some disturbing visions of her own and stopped reading. Yet another only read about a quarter of the book and had to stop because it was making her feel uneasy. So far I am about four chapters in and haven't experienced anything unusual. Then again, I don't consider myself psychically sensitive at all, so I may not be feeling what my friends felt about it. The only sense I get about it is that this book has passed through many hands and that's just obvious by looking at it. It's pretty well thumbed.

We'll see.

On my waiting to be read list are the following:

Title Secrets of the Monarch: What the Dead Can Teach Us About Living a Better Life
By Allison DuBois
Release Date 9/9/2008

Title Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential
By Caroline Myss
Release Date 1/28/2003

Title Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul
By Caroline Myss
Release Date 3/6/2007

Title Ancestral Magic
By Moondancer Drake
Release Date 3/19/2009

Title The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams
By Debbie Ford
Release Date 6/1/1999

These books are all a bit New Age compared to my usual reading fare, but I am finding much in them that is of merit and use. There is that which is of God in all thoughts and philosophies and I don't like to limit myself based on narrow guidelines. I think it is interesting and fun to find out what's out there. Maybe soon, I will get back to my fiction reading (one of the books above is actually a novel), but for now I am enjoying this journey of discovery.

Shopping Expedition

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:34:12 GMT

We had a long and tiring day today, starting out early in an attempt to get to the shopping center before the crowds to do some last minute shopping.

Unfortunately the crowds were on to us, and managed to get to the mall before we did. Drat! Still parking was a mite easier going this early and we found a spot relatively quickly. This time of year, I am almost grateful for my disabilities because at least I can get good parking if I get to the shops early...Does that make me bad?

Anyway, I had received a $20 Target Gift Card from one of the survey websites I belong to, and I was looking forward to spending it. I had in mind already, what I was going to get, having looked at the Target catalogue online last night. (more about that, later).

The other objective of our trip was to buy gifts to place under the K-Mart Wishing tree as we'd seen on the news the other night that they were struggling to meet the need for gifts this year, with fewer people giving, and more people needing this assistance this year. We'd set our sights on blessing a boy in the 10-15 age group as that was mentioned on the news as being the most critical need.

We'd discussed in the past few days, the best gift to buy and had settled on a Cricket set, price permitting. For those in the USA less familiar with Australian Sports, Cricket is probably the national passtime for Australians in Summer, with Australian Rules Football or Rugby (league and Union) taking up the Winter Months. Christmas in Australia falls in our Summer, so a Cricket Set would make the perfect gift in our opinion because we didn't want to give anything like DVDs or computer games, lest the recipient didn't have a dvd player or a computer, etc.

We checked out AMART All Sports first, and found a fairly decent Cricket Set in the appropriate size for our chosen age group for $25. Our budget was $50, so that meant we could buy two. However, we decided to check out Big W as well and see what price we could get on them there.

That turned out to be an excellent idea as Big W had sets for $14.95, enabling us to buy THREE, thus being able to bless three little boys. We also bought extra tennis balls to add to them so that each pack contained three balls as opposed to the one that came as standard.

After paying for our purchase, we went straight to K-Mart to place them under the tree. We also tried to take a photograph, but with hustle and bustle and people all around, that proved difficult and the resulting photo was quite blurry.

As we were putting our gifts under the tree, a woman came over to ask us about how you went about giving something so we explained the process to her and she hurried off, clutching her K-MART Wishing tree card to select something to put under the tree as well. Yet another child to be blessed this Christmas!

I'm not writing this post to make much of what we did. I'm doing it, more so to encourage others to go and buy something for a child in need this Christmas. We spend so much time and money on gifts for our loved ones, that often, charities are left struggling to meet the needs of the many people hit so hard by this current financial crisis. It doesn't have to cost a lot, as we proved today, and with a little discerning shopping, you can possibly even bless more than one!

After we'd left our gifts under the tree, we set off to do our own little bit of shopping. At Target, after browsing around a little bit, I decided that the chocolates I'd seen in the catalogue represented the best value for the amount I had to spend, so our Christmas "candy" supplies were bought using the card. I also found a miniature Panetone (Italian Christmas cake) for $3 and couldn't go past! Sandra has never tried Panatone before, so it will be a delight to share this lovely delicacy with her.

After completing our shopping (and this is THE last time we're going to the shops until after Christmas) we went to McDonalds for lunch and then headed home where both of us flopped onto the bed to read and rest and eventually dozed off for a nap. My heel is giving me some grief and warning me that I need to rest or I am going to wind up unable to walk for a week, so I have called off going to markets and church tomorrow with the girls from my circle. Sad, but I need to take care that I am not crippled for Christmas!

So, go on out and buy something to put into the charity toy drive, or donate to your local Salvation Army, or something. Let this Christmas be about blessing others as well as our own families.

Doctor's Appointment

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:08:42 GMT

Time was, when a doctor had something minor to talk with you about, he would have his receptionist call and advise you, or he would tell you on the phone, himself.

Nowadays they seem to prefer to call you in to the clinic to tell you something tiny... It's annoying and costs me a lot in fuel for my car, and time, just to be told "Oh the results were pretty good, your liver function was normal, your haemoglobin is up to 121, so that's good, but the iron stores are still a bit low, so I want you to keep going on the iron supplements for two more months."

Yeesh, Doc! You made me drive 7.6km just to tell me that?

Still, I am glad the liver is back to normal, that result had me a little worried, last time.

But seriously, he couldn't do this by phone? Of course not. Then he wouldn't get paid the $50 for my visit! *shakes head*

Light Within

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:48:42 GMT

Preacher James Montgomery was preaching in Liverpool in 1822 when there was a sudden black out. Panic was about to ensue amongst his listeners until the pastor of the church where he was speaking called out a reassurance: "There is still light within!" The people calmed and Montgomery finished preaching his sermon in the dark.

"There is still light within!"

Such true words and just the reminder I needed last night. Facing a call back to my doctor in relation to blood test results, I was letting myself be swamped by feelings of anxiety, to the point of panic. Last time I had blood taken there was a problem with my liver function and my mind went round and round on this point, fretting over the possible outcome.

Then I read this story about James Montgomery and the words "There is still light within!" leaped out at me.

When all around me seems dark and hopeless; when everything seems to be getting worse instead of better; when it seems as though there is no light: "There is still light within."

I must try to remember that the source of my light and hope does not come from earthly knowledge, from medicine or from men. It is derived from that inner light which shines on despite the outer circumstances.

Let me ever draw my solace, my consolation, strength and hope from that inner source before I turn to eathly knowledge or outer assistance. Those things have their place and are useful, but always--ALWAYS--"There is still light within!"

A movie and the doctor sigh

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 06:20:14 GMT

So this morning when I got up, I had an urge to go and see a movie, so after a small amount of dithering on my part, I decided I'd go and see The Invention of Lying. This is a strange film, but quite interesting. Not sure I entirely agree with the world view and philosophy presented, but I got a few giggles. It is a good film to see if you don't take yourself, or your religious beliefs too seriously.

In other news, I had a call from my doctor's surgery asking me to come in and see my doctor about the results of the blood tests he took on Tuesday. This will either be because my iron is still too low, or because the liver function was abnormal again. This is getting to be annoying. Almost tempted to ask him not to do bloodwork anymore.

Why can't my body just behave and function as it is supposed to function?

Anyway, it is no use worrying about it until I see him and find out what it's about, so now I need to find ways to distract myself so I don't sit here and fret until I see him.

The shopping center (mall) where the movie cinema I went to is, was packed to the rafters with pushy, rude people who can't even say so much as 'excuse me' when they almost knock you over. Reminded me why I do my holiday shopping online.

Oh well, nothing much else to report, so I am gonna go play computer games or something.

Tired today

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 02:55:31 GMT

I guess I overdid things a bit, yesterday. I keep thinking I should do more reading and fill in the study guides for my course, but even thinking about it makes me feel more tired. I might nap and see if I can't get a little more done this evening.

I really enjoyed yesterday and last night, though even if it did have a price attached to it in terms of my energy levels today. I think also that I took my medication a little too late last night and the effects of that have not entirely worn off yet. So, a nap perhaps, then see how I feel for work in the evening.

*nods* That sounds like a plan.

Busy Day

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:15:51 GMT

I have had a very busy day today. I had to go into town to see my doctor for the blood tests he does every few months to check my iron levels etc, so I decided that I would go in early as I had a few other things I wanted to do--one of which was homework the doc gave me to do last time he saw me.

So I left here about 40 minutes before my scheduled appointment time, and went to the dental surgery first to get the information my doctor asked for. Then I walked from there to the local Subway and ordered myself an Ham and Turkey Sub for lunch with a small coke. I only had time, by then, to eat about half the (6") sub, and it was delicious, so I carried it back to my car and put it in the car (parked in the shade) to eat after I saw the doctor.

My doctor was in a good mood and we chatted while he filled in forms for the bloodwork and wrote me a referral for a dental appointment--this is because it's a part of a managed care plan due to my having a chronic illness I can have 5 visits to an allied health care professional in any one calendar year and it is covered by medicare.

I asked him if the baby he and his wife had been expecting last time I saw him had arrived and he seemed pleased I remembered. "Yes! We have a new little daughter. We had one from before, 4 years old, so now we have another one. Some sleepless night, but my wife is well, baby is well so that's the main thing." (I love his accent--he's Dutch).

After leaving the doctor's surgery I went straight to the pathology office and got the blood taken. The girl who took it this time was good and didn't have to go looking for the vein and making multiple attempts, so at least this time I didn't emerge looking like a junkie with needle marks all over my arm like I usually do!

I walked over to the supermarket, and picked up a few small items that I needed to restock on and then back to the car and headed for home.

Thunder muttered in the distance as I locked up the garage. I took a deep breath, smelling the freshly mowed grass and the faint hint of rain on the wind and thanked the universe for a day of accomplishments.

I had been intending to do some more course work when I got home, but the patter of rain on the roof, and the afternoon's exertions decided me that a nap was more to my liking so I climbed into bed and dozed off.

Tonight I have my 'circle' meeting with the ladies from church. That's sure to be fun as always. We will eat too much chocolate, talk up a storm and laugh ourselves to death, but I am soooo looking forward to it!

First Day Jitters

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:08:01 GMT

Today is the first day of my study course and I have already spent about two hours on study and reading through the first reading and making some notes. I'm just taking it slowly and feeling my way. I've made a post on the student discussion board introducing myself and that was a little bit scary. Some of my fellow students have also posted and there is at least one, so far who's not too far away so we might be able to meet up to study together if she is open to that.

I was surprised that I actually understood the first reading. The second one is a tad more daunting and I'm already having a moment about one of the questions in the study guide for it. LOL!

Well, we will see how it goes. I've got the rest of this week to nut this out.

Right now, I am in search of some lunch and a cool place to rest and escape the heat of the day. It is 30c (86f) here and quite humid today! We're expecting some storms in the afternoon though which might help to cool things off a bit.

'Til later!

Book Rec

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:57:34 GMT

	What The Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality
	A 24-page booklet written by the Rev. Dr. Mel White that offers a biblical response to the question people often ask: "How can you consider yourself a Christian when you are also gay?"

I downloaded this booklet from the soulforce.org website yesterday and read it all in about half an hour. It is written by Rev. Dr. Mel White who is a highly trained theological scholar but it is in language that is concise accessible and easy to understand. One of the most important things that I think Dr White brings out in this booklet is that when we read the Bible we ought to be looking for what it says about God, not what it says about sexuality or culture or science. The Bible is not a handbook on sex, it is a book that tells us about God.

His approach is to take the scripture passages most often used against homosexuals and ask the reader to set aside his or her preconceived notions, looking at them in light of what they teach about God rather than what they teach about sex.

My favorite quote:

Even when we believe the Scriptures are “infallible” or “without
error,” it’s terribly dangerous to think that our understanding of
every biblical text is also without error. We are human. We are fallible.
And we can misunderstand and misinterpret these ancient
words—with tragic results.
"What the Bible Says -- And Doesn't Say -- About Homosexuality" Page 7

I recommend this booklet to anyone who is interested in an honest discussion of what the Bible says about God and Homosexuality.

You can download a free .pdf copy of this booklet from: http://www.soulforce.org/pdf/whatthebiblesays.pdf

Beautiful Day, and my altar

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 02:57:39 GMT

Yesterday was a beautiful day, both in the natural, weather sense and in the activity that I took part in. My Church held a psychic healing and reading day and I decided to go up there to help out in the kitchen making sandwiches for the readers and healers working there and just to be there with my friends.

As I walked into the little building. (it's held in the local Country Women's Association Hall) I was struck by the beautiful energy that filled the room. Back in my Evangelical Christian days, this energy would be referred to has "Holy Spirit" I think that it is a sacred energy for certain, and have no problem at all with calling it Holy Spirit. My fellow church members refer to this energy as "Spirit" or just "Light energy" and I am happy for it to be called those names as well.

I stood just inside the door for a little while, soaking up the energy, and chatting with M who sat by the door selling raffle tickets for a beautiful clock carved from redwood in the shape of a map of mainland Australia and with small paintings on it in a style like Aboriginal artwork. It was lovely, but sadly, I didn't win it.

There were candles burning on the table and some incense had been lit and it helped to create an atmosphere of healing and light. i was quite happy standing there, just bathing in the presence, but Rev. P saw me there and drew me further into the room and settled me on a chair where I could see more of what was going on and continue to soak up the energy. It was healing and relaxing and I was loving it. I had arrived just past lunch time and L decided after a while that it was time to make some sandwiches, so I went out to the kitchen with her and we started making ham, tomato, cheese and cucumber sandwiches for the hardworking readers and healers. There was a choice between multigrain or white bread and the sandwiches looked and smelled really good! I ended up making myself one too after everyone else had eaten their fill.

For dessert we had watermelon and that was delicious too.

Rev. P kept asking me if I wanted to have a reading, and she told me that because I had worked and helped out, I could have them for free. It's not that I am leery of such thngs--far from it. I just couldn't decide which of the readers present I had a connection with. I told her I would just think about it and she was satisfied with that answer. She went off to chat with some of the other readers, and I took a break, chatting with a group of my friends from church about this and that.

It was not until very late in the day almost time to go home, that I decided which of the readers to sit with.

I got some very positive messages about the memoir I am writing and I feel that this was a confirmation that I am on the right path and that the book is the right thing to do.

A part of the reading said that I need to take more time out for me, and try to reflect and meditate more as this might help me to relax and not get as snippy as I can tend to do (this was said without the reader having any foreknowledge of that!). She said to try taking a relaxing bath, or "I keep getting the word 'bathe'," she murmured. "I just don't know what that means. I don't think it is about personal hygiene so much, though." She chuckled.

I had a feeling that I knew what she meant. When I was going to the evangelical/pentecostal church I used to say that I would "Bathe" in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Meaning that when I had my quiet times I would really seek that light energy and immerse myself in it. So I think that the message was that I need to do more of that. I thought about my singing bowl, so lovingly given to me by Rob last year and sadly buried in the bottom of a cabinet these past few months, untouched, unsounded, silent.

I resolved that when I got home, I would set up an altar with candles and my singing bowl and try to reestablish my practice of "bathing" in the presence of the light. (The end result is pictured above)

I know that some people reading this know me from my evangelical days, and that my language here might seem strange to you. I'm sorry for the culture shock, but I just don't feel I can connect to those old ways any more. I've been too rejected, too hurt--not by God, whom I have never left, but by people who don't truly understand God's unfailing love, or how to show it to others.

I've learned a new way of relating to God and that includes a new way of speaking about God. Please understand that I have not turned away from HIM, but I have turned away from the disconnectedness I felt in that old path and embraced a new and reconnected path.

I feel happy here, though there are some days I wish for a return to the old ways--I think we all tend to do that, though, don't we? We want the familiar, the old resting places, the comfort zone. Sometimes though, I think that getting out of the comfort zone is exactly what God wants for us, even if the people are different, the language is strange, and the landscape looks weird to our eyes grown accustomed to the hills and plains of the old homeland.

Pilgrimage, is not about resting in one place, it is about moving on and stepping forward, trusting the light to light the path and the voice of God to guide me in it.

I set up my altar last night with my singing bowl, candles and a little glass plaque bearing a copy of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi. It's a little chipped and worn (a bit like me) but it is still readable.

Once it was all set up, I sounded the bowl, three crystal clear, golden notes and one sustained vibration, lit a candle, recited the prayer of St Francis and settled down at my computer to listen to music and write.

Well, I didn't get any writing done at all, but the music was soothing, and I had a nice long chat with an online friend. I think I need to be more perstistent in 'bathing' in the presence and turn off the computer.

Baby steps, as long as they're forward steps are good!

Fuzzy Days

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:08:46 GMT

I've had a couple of really fuzzy headed days. Yesterday was the worst, but it is still hanging around today and I am hating it because it makes me feel completely useless. My head spins at the simplest concepts and I can't focus on anything. *sigh*

No doubt it is medication related--at least I hope it is. *rolls eyes* I have a feeling I may have missed a dose somewhere along the track--maybe more. I really need to keep better track of it. I used to have a little box--in fact, I still have it, marked with the days of the week and I would put my pills for each day in there to make sure I took them.

The reason I don't use it anymore is because the lids on some of the days were so tight that I would rip my fingernails off trying to open them!

I need to see if I can get a new one that has more easily opened lids.

I pity my poor partner who has to try and live with me when I get like this.

Yesterday I got my cat microchipped. Not that Solly ever goes outside the house except on a harness and leash, but because the local council has introduced new laws about registration for cats as well as dogs now, I got her done because registration is free for pensioners if the animal is desexed and microchipped. Solly has been desexed since she reached maturity, so that will make the registration thing a little easier to bear, even though I see no need for it with an animal that's never allowed outside the house!

On Tuesday night, after my discussion group, I was meditating on what we'd talked about, and on my own spiritual path and I thought how nice it would be to find some 'spiritual' music that I could really connect with.

No sooner had my thought touched the universe than a reply came drifting through my mind. "Scripture in Song."

My goodness! I had not even thought about SIS since the 80s and wondered if the company still even exists. Well a google search soon revealed that although David and Dale Garratt have turned in a new direction with their music (now called New Sound) they do still offer all the SIS albums in digital format via iTunes!

I am planning to download them as time and finances permit. In the meantime, Sandra dug out a bunch of old cassette tapes of hers that have many of SIS's songs on them so I am listening to them. They are a little worn with age, and I get some distortion in some of the songs, but it's been wonderful, letting my spirit bathe in these as they connect me back to my very early days as a Christian when things were so simple.

I like Hillsong, too, but lately their music has grated on my nerves in some respects, so I felt the need to just go back to something familiar and simple.

Okay, that's all for today.

Love and Light!

Writer's Block: I'm sorry

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 08:32:57 GMT

If you only had one day left to live, and you had the chance to tell one person from your past "I love you," who would it be? How about "I'm sorry"?

Submitted By crazy_lil_loud1

View 1410 Answers

I don't think I could choose just one person from my past to tell that I loved them. There are so many people who have touched and influenced my life in positive ways that I would want to say that to. They'd just have to all come and see me, so I could.

I'm sorry...hmm I think that's the same deal. I'd like to say sorry to a lot of people whom I might have hurt in the past with my words and attitudes, so lets get them all together as well.

Actually, there is ONE person in particular. Someone to whom I said one of the nastiest things I've ever spoken to anyone...I'd like to apologize to her. Not gonna go into too many details here. The Universe knows.

I'm sorry for what I said. It was completely uncharitable and cruel. I hope wherever you are, you can forgive me.

An Interesting Weekend

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:38:14 GMT

I have had one of the most interesting weekends this week, and I am just blown away with how the universe arranges things so that you will be in the right place, at exactly the right moment. I'm so encouraged and blessed tonight, as opposed to how I have felt for at least two weeks prior. I want to warn any of my Christian friends who read this, that I am going to rant, just a little bit about evangelical churches. This is not aimed at anyone that I know online but it is something I need to express -- it's about churches not individual people. K?

It all started on Saturday when I went to visit my kids and see their new house which they moved into a couple of weeks ago now. It was wonderful to catch up with the girls (James was in Melbourne). I went shopping for new clothes and found I have dropped another dress size! Yay! So that was a really good start! Sandra and I had lunch with Kaylah at Chermside and it was a treat to see how much my 'baby' has matured in the short time since turning 18. I was proud of her, listening to her hopes, plans and dreams for her future. Sometimes I think she gets a bit of a hard time about things, but I believe she will get where she wants to be, if she just has confidence and steps up. The afternoon was spent catching up with Hannah, playing nurse and taking each other's blood pressure and so forth. That was fun. I was pleased to know I still remember how to take a BP!

On Sunday night, I was supposed to go back to the AOG church on the hill above a nearby town, which I had attended for the two weeks before, but when it came down to it, and I remembered how discouraging it had been, I decided I didn't need that negativity in my week and I didn't go.

Instead, I spent the evening at home with Sandra, watched Australian Idol, worked on my new website, did a little bit of writing and when I looked up, it was past 4am and I hurried to bed!

And then, on Monday I was blown away by the message preached from an AOG church in Melbourne by a man named Ps. Rob Buckingham. What a beautiful contrast this was to the messages I had heard coming from the church I visited. His message was titled "Real Christianity is Accepting" I still have a smile a mile wide when I think of it I downloaded a copy of it to keep so I can listen to it again. The message will only be available at the above link until next Sunday. I urge everyone to go listen. Even if you wouldn't normally have anything to do with Christian stuff! It is a wonderfully encouraging word.

Monday night, I set off to the Spiritualist Church I've been attending throughout this year. What a joy to go where I am just accepted and valued as myself without having to clean up my act or change who I am to be acceptable.

[soapbox moment]I'm sorry to any of my Christian friends reading this--but it is a sad sad fact, that often the people the "church" brands as satanic and unrighteous do a better job of modeling Christ to the outcasts than the evangelical churches do. If that offends you, then maybe you will become an agent of change in YOUR church, rather than railing and ranting at me because I go to a cultish, new age spiritualist church. When you're hungry, you'll go where there's bread, right? [/soapbox moment]

My pastor at the spiritualist church hugged me in greeting and remarked that I looked happy! I told him I was happy and he was pleased to hear it.

A few other people remarked throughout the evening that I seemed to be 'glowing' that I had a lovely 'energy' around me. I guess that's what a little ray of hope can do, huh?

Tuesday night was my discussion night with some of the ladies from my church (Spiritualists again oh noes!) ;)

I shared with them about my experiences at the local AOG and one of them looked at me and said:

"Maybe you had that experience to show you that you don't need a Church in order to know and love God. You can know and love him just as well--better--in here." She tapped her chest.

She's right.

All the churches could close tomorrow and I wouldn't have to feel lost, or confused or alone. God is not the church, and the church is not God. God is in the heart.

So that's my weekend...

Life's good!

The Message We've Been Waiting to Hear!

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:16:17 GMT

I am reposting this post from Anthony Venn-Brown's Facebook, because I believe that everyone needs
to hear this sermon. Gay Straight, Old, Young, Christian or not. Don't just blow this off; it's only available for one week.
This is the beginning of a new thing in Australia I think.

This is hope!

The Message We Have Been Waiting to Hear

Yesterday at 14:40

The message I've been waiting to hear from a Pentecostal pulpit in Australia happened on the weekend. Ps Rob Buckingham from Bayside Church in Melbourne preached a message of love and acceptance for GLBT people. At the Saturday night service the congregation gave him a standing ovation. You can download the MP3 or listen to the message online here http://www.baysidechurch.com.au/index2.php?option=com_podcast&feed=RSS2.0&no_html=1

It will only be available for a week.

It is so encouraging to find those within the Christian Church who have been willing to ask to important questions. There is definitely a new climate of questioning and humility in some circles. For this we are very grateful. The two questions many are asking are.

1. Has the churches attitude towards the GLBT community been reflective of God's love?

2. Is it possible that the churches beliefs about same sex orientation been in error?

Whilst I've been in dialogue with many church leaders both in Australia and overseas, I've often wondered who'd be the first brave person to tell the truth about their new understandings in such a public way.

God has given Ps Rob the insight, courage and grace to create a new world for so many GLBT people that will bring healing and empower others to do things better in the future. This message will literally save lives and contribute enormously to end the unnecessary suffering experienced by GLBT people who are still in churches as well as those who have left.

Sincerely from my heart Rob I want to say thank you……and on behalf of the many 1,000's of us who have struggled to find answers to the perceived conflict between our faith and our sexuality…often in a hostile environment…....I also say thank you.

A standing ovation….is a powerful affirmation by the congregation of Pastor Rob's message. The same thing happened to the 100 Revs who marched in the Mardi Gras parade in 2008. People stood to their feet and applauded the brave ministers who were marching to say sorry for the churches treatment of and attitude towards the GLBT community.

Sometimes our focus on the negatives and the right wing Christian extremists blurs our vision....but we should also realise that behind the scenes a quiet revolution is happening. Every now and then it surfaces as it did this weekend. Congratulations to Ps Rob and his congregation. .....and of course a thank you to those who are still in the questioning stage......how can we serve you as you seek greater understanding about our lives.

Busy Busy

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:14:21 GMT

I had a busy, but relaxing day yesterday, working on my new website, and surfing my favorite blogs. I didn't end up going to the AOG church last night. When the time came, I decided I was too tired after visiting my kids in Brisbane on Saturday to be bothered with going to church where I would probably only have to listen to more derogatory remarks about homosexuals, so I stayed home.

We had pizza for dinner (frozen, but with our own extras added to give it more flavor). Watched Australian Idol and then I spent the evening working on writing my memoir, and chatting on MSN with friends and family.

All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend the day/night. I wound up sitting here writing until well past 4 am in the morning!

Time just got away from me as I became absorbed in memories.

Industry is good for the soul!

Love and Light.

My first ever beading project

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:21:03 GMT

I've spent the past few days working on this project and I am really quite pleased with how it has turned out. The necklace won't fit anyone other than a child, unless you like your necklaces tight! I can see my mistakes, but I wonder if anyone else will. hehe (Jenn?)

This was fun. The kit I bought has a few other necklaces etc, but I think I will need to buy more wire because I need to make the bracelets and necklets bigger than the instructions call for, for my wrists and neck!

10 Years Meme

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:05:58 GMT

10 years meme
*Think back to ten years ago on this month.
*Write truthful answers and ELABORATE. This makes it more interesting!
*It's about personal changes. Have fun with it!

THEN: October 1999

1. Age:
36

2. Romantic Status:
I was married to the Italian psychopath, but there was nothing romantic about it.

3. Occupation:
Student/SAHM

4. Fun night out:
No such thing

5. My BFFs:
Sarah

6. I spent way too much time:
trying to make a poisonous marriage less toxic

7. I spent not enough time:
Paying attention to my kids. Especially the youngest.

8. I wanted to be when I grew up:
A pastor...didn't get there. :(

9. Biggest concern:
Depression

10. What my biggest concern should have been:
My kids

11. Where did I live:
Brisbane

12. Dumbest thing I did that year:
Didn't get a divorce

13. If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say:
This is not going to kill you, and you won't believe how different it will be ten years from now!

NOW: October 2009

1. Age:
46

2. Romantic Status:
In a committed relationship with Sandra

3. Occupation:
Author

4. Fun night out:
My 'witching' circle on Tuesday nights (we're not actually Wiccan, or witches, that's just what we call ourselves)

5. My BFFs:
Sandra, Marilyn, Wendy, Linda, Bev

6. I spend way too much time:
Slacking off on the net

7. I spend not enough time:
Writing

8. I want to be when I grow up:
A Pastor--can't see how/where, though.

9. Biggest concern:
Low iron (again)

10. What my biggest concern should be:
Nope, that's what I should be concerned about.

11. Where do I live:
Sunshine Coast, Australia

12. Dumbest thing I have done this year:
Missed my flight home from Adelaide in July DOH! Dumb, and COSTLY!

13. What I think I would say to myself in 10 years:
You're over half-way there!

SUMMARY:

1. What do I miss most from 1999:
Not a thing!

2. What do I miss least from 1999:
Almost everything

3. What have I accomplished in 10 years that I am most proud of:
Publishing my books.

4. What have I NOT accomplished in 10 years that I wish I had:
Hmmmm, can't think of anything.

A Lesson from Noah

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:05:06 GMT

Noah's Ark Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark .

ONE: Don't miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.
(Give it!! Don't just get it.)

Going back to Church Part Deux

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:16:19 GMT

So, last night, I again visited the AOG Church which I went to last Sunday night. This time, T, a friend of mine from Freedom2b came along for the ride to check out the church. It felt good to have some moral support.

I was not as nervous going in this time as the territory was not as unfamiliar to me as last time, though I think it cost my friend a great deal of courage to walk in there, given that in the car park we'd met someone who knew him from the past and the reception had been--stilted I guess is the best word for it. Without revealing too much detail, I can say that my friend is also gay and has some history with church and church circles which has been a little more rocky than my own. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, we went inside and some of the people who greeted me last week greeted me again, pleased to see that I had come back again. It was quite a chuckle (to me anyway) when someone asked if my friend was my 'hubby' to which we both replied very quickly and emphatically. "No! Just a friend!" hehe.

We found a seat, after T was given a welcome pack--I'd received one of those last week, and knew that it had a small packet of Maltesers in it, a fact which I informed T of.

T had not had any dinner and was hungry, so he took the maltesers out of the bag and we shared them before the service got started. The two ushers who'd greeted us at the door came over to where we were sitting and struck up some light conversation, asking where I was from, where T was from and generally -- I thought -- trying to 'suss' out more about us. We kept it pretty general, and then the musicians got up and started to play, signaling that the service was about to commence, so we were saved having to answer any further questions. The female usher in particular seemed to have a bee in her bonnet about T for some reason, and I got several little visual (body language) cues from her that began to make me think this was not a safe person to be around.

So the service started with upbeat music and singing, much as they always do at AOG churches. I sang along and clapped my hands and found myself even shuffling my feat and beating time a couple of times--old habits coming back to me. There was a guest speaker again last night, a woman preacher this time. She and her husband had been pastors of this church in the past and she spoke about God being greater than...

It was a good sermon, but I found myself annoyed again when homosexuals were dogged on a little bit, just as they had been last week. Last week's comment I had found myself less annoyed by, but this time it was very 'in y face.' I heard T give a soft sigh of annoyance too at that.

Most of what the lady had to say was good though, and I guess I could forgive her for only following the AOG party line, I suppose.

At the end of the sermon, there was an appeal for people to come to the front for prayer. (This is a standard part of AOG meetings). I am still too terrified to go up to those prayer lines after something that happened the last time I went 'forward' and I don't know if I can ever bring myself to do so again, but T seemed very emotional standing beside me and I asked if he was okay. He told me that he thought he should go up and I stepped aside to let him pass me. He muttered something about "do you know how hard this is?"

I know...I really know. So off he went and I sat down in my seat to wait for him. I was in a quiet attitude of prayer and to my surprise, found emotions welling up as I prayed for T and found myself praying in 'tongues' another AOG thing...I cried a little bit, but it was not in a hurt or sad way, just a little bit wistful, I suppose. It was a healing and releasing thing as though I had shut myself off from everything to do with church and that kind of spirituality for too long and it was nice to let myself just go with the flow of it. Sweet and healing too, was the realisation that those gifts from God are still present in my life, even if I don't pay them as much attention or give them as much emphasis.

There was supper again after the service and I stayed this time and had a toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwich which was quite tasty. Remembering that T had not eaten since lunchtime I bought him one too and we chatted over our sandwiches.

One of the women who'd been so welcoming of me, last week. "D" came to our table and chatted for a while. I found out that she is ex Methodist/Uniting Church and that because her husband used to be the local school chaplain, she knew a lot about various pastors in the area. I mentioned that I had grown up Methodist, and she told me that the local Methodist church is a lovely little community. She seemed to think that I should check it out. I think D has worked more out about me than I have told, and I think that she is also cool with what she suspects.

I will give this church one more chance--the constant mentioning of homosexuals in every service is a bit annoying and unnecessary, I think. D and her hubby are catering for the food after service next week and I told her I would come along and let her know if I like what they prepare.

But it's on two strikes so far...

Dragonflies

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 02:05:22 GMT

I've always had a fascination with, and a love for dragonflies. when I was a small child, I remember we had a fishpond in the backyard of our house. Dad had planted water lillies and other plants in the water to help shade the fish in summer and to oxygenate the water.

As well as serving those important functions, the plants also attracted dragonflies and I would spend many hours sitting crosslegged on the lawn, watching them swoop and dart around the plants and the water. They were probably depositing their eggs there too, since they spend the first part of their lives as water nymphs.

It wasn't until many years later that I became aware that the dragonfly has a deeper, spiritual significance and might have been sent to me on various occasions throughout my life as a message or as a reminder to me of deeper things.

In spiritual symbology, the dragonfly speaks to us of transformation and rebirth, just as the butterfly does. Because it spends half of its life under water as a nymph, it talks to us of spirit, emotion and flow.

Having multifaceted eyes, gives the dragonfly the ability to see things from many different angles and this reminds us, in a spiritual sense, to look at things from another angle, or to try to see a different point of view.

The body and wings of the dragonfly refract and reflect light in many different colors, making the dragonfly appear bright green or blue but the structures in the insect's body that enable this only develop with age. This serves as a reminder that with maturity, our true colors will show through as well.

Last year a very dear friend of mine went to Spain. While she was there, she bought me a beautiful dragonfly pendant which she sent to me for my birthday. It is green and silver with a faux emerald set in the middle of it's body. I wear it when I go to my spiritualist church on Monday nights where the significance of it is understood and appreciated by my circle.

When my friend went to France earlier this year, she bought me another dragonfly pendant. This one is silver and turqoise and is strung on a turquoise organza ribbon. I love them both very much and feel that they were not sent to me by coincidence.

Sadly, last Monday night while getting ready for church, I dropped the green one on the floor and one of its wings broke off. It's currently at the jewelers for repairs.

It might be just a cheap trinket to anyone else, but with the lifelong and spiritual significance of dragonflies for me, I wasn't just going to accept it was broken and set it aside. For me, the fact that it has been broken and repaired is all the more significant as I continue my walk on this journey, a little broken in places, a little flawed and maybe with a spot of glue here and there to hold my wings on...but still getting there.

Love and Light!

Housekeeping Day

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:24:40 GMT

It seems to have been a day for housekeeping all round today. I vacuumed and mopped all the tiled floors throughout the house, and tidied up my domains online, and did some admin work on the Freedom2b(e) forums, so everything is all neat and tidy and my brain is in a fuzz!

It is always nice, though to have things tidy and clean.

I think that this applies as much in a spiritual sense as it does in a physical and mental one. When I clean out my old thought patterns and expectations relating to God and spirituality, it leaves me with a clean space in which I can examine new thoughts and idealogies. That's always nice. I tend to learn something each time I do that.

I have decided that I will go back to the AOG again this coming Sunday night, and this time I will have a friend along for the ride, all going well. It will be nice to have a little moral support.

Not much else to say so I will sign off til next time.

Love and Light!

Just a heads up

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:04:32 GMT

I just wanted to let my flisters on this journal know that I may be taking more of a personal/spiritual slant on this blog from now on. Not that I am planning to go all uber religious on anyone. I'm sure you all know me better than that, but if such posts are not to your tastes and you want to defriend this lj (you probably know where my other ones are) then I won't take offence from you doing that.

I just feel the need for a space where I can think about and explore the more spiritual side of life. This lj can fit that bill without my needing to create another one.

Just Cruel is what it is

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:44:02 GMT

You know, if I was an animal owned by me, it would be little wonder that I am depressed.

If I owned an animal which I treated as poorly as I've treated myself over the past few months, I would be in all kinds of trouble with the RSPCA. I wouldn't treat an animal as badly as I treat myself, sometimes, so why do I think it is okay to treat myself this way?

I suffer from chronic pain and have done most of my life. So what do I do about it?

I stop taking my pain medications, and then wonder why I am depressed!

I have not given myself adequate rest, I have not given my body proper food, I have often (this is a major symptom of depression) forgotten to attend to the basics of hygiene. (I hate that one most of all, because it only makes me feel worse).

I have been thinking all night--in my light, dozing sleep--about all the ways in which I have neglected myself lately, and how I need to change those patterns as a means to come back from the depths I have sunken to.

NO more sitting around in my PJ's till mid afternoon, no more skipping meals, no more wallowing in misery if I can help it.

MORE taking medications provided by the doctor for my pain, more taking my night time meds which help me to relax enough to sleep, more getting dressed as soon as I get up, more eating healthy meals and three a day, please. More care for myself and less time spent trying to solve the world's problems.

I need to report myself to the SPCM and make myself take better care of me.

Okay Eeyore Some More!

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:35:54 GMT

One thing that I should have learned about depression by now, is that you can never say that you're 100% cured of it. That damned black dog--he listens. He listens and he lurks and when you think you're rid of him once and for all, he will pounce and pull you down again.

So, yes, I am depressed again and pulling all kinds of "High Risk" numbers on depression tests. *sigh*

And it's not as though I have a bad life, or a bad relationship to blame it all on this time...no, everything was fine with my life. I was publishing my books, I had (and still have) a fantastic partner and I live in some of the most beautiful country around, and yet, that black dog only has to bite me once to start me cycling down, into the dark again and hey presto, the next moment, I am making comments about my marriage that leave my darling feeling "like excess baggage" *sigh*

It's just the depression talking, but those things still hurt and I know they do. I know I would hate to be on the receiving end of them--and yet, they come out of my mouth when I am depressed and the thing about words is, once they're out, they're out.

Depression is a loner. It tries to push everything, and everyone out of the sufferer's life. That black dog wants to be the only companion, the only solace...Sorrow wants you to fall completely, absolutely in love with him and exclude everyone else from your life.

Well, it ain't gonna happen! I am not going to let you suck me down and drive everyone I love away from me!

So if you still have this lj on your flist and you can bear to put up with the grim, the gloomy and the ugly, please stay and read. If you'd rather not, then that's okay too. I just need to start keeping some kind of record of how I feel.

It's part of taking the first steps on the way back up.

Life in the Hundred Acre Woods

Christmas Day Pictures

Method

Notes & tips

Currently reading and books to be read

Shopping Expedition

Doctor's Appointment

Light Within

A movie and the doctor *sigh*

Tired today

Busy Day

First Day Jitters

Book Rec

Beautiful Day, and my altar

Fuzzy Days

Writer's Block: I'm sorry

An Interesting Weekend

The Message We've Been Waiting to Hear!

Busy Busy

My first ever beading project

10 Years Meme

A Lesson from Noah

Going back to Church Part Deux

Dragonflies

Housekeeping Day

Just a heads up

Just Cruel is what it is

Okay Eeyore Some More!

A movie and the doctor sigh